There Is A Light That  Never Goes Out
by The Accident-Prone Klutz
Summary: Blue pierced into green. She could see it plain as day; they loved each other. Time was insignificant, death was inevitable and yet it wasn't a complication because that passion – that love – would overcome it. AU. SoRiku. SoKai.


**I was listening to The Smiths while on a drive from Lancaster and this just formed into my little old noggin. I honestly didn't mean for it to come out this long. But rest assured, I tried not to make block paragraphs. It's my first attempt at Yaoi, not really too much. Mostly revolving around Kairi. Also it flips from present time to flashbacks. I used past tense for the the flash backs, so hopefully you won't get confused. Also, I apologize before hand for any typos, grammatical errors. I didn't proofread (is lazy).**

**And, I hope you enjoy the read!  
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**Pairings: **SoRiku, SoKai, RiKai (friendship), NamiKai (left for interpretation)

**Rating: **T for mild language

* * *

><p><strong>There is a light that never goes out<strong>

**.**

**.**

He looks at her with a grim expression. She isn't looking at him, but she can feel his gaze on her. She hates it. She just wants him to leave her alone. Why can't he leave her alone? Why can't anyone ever leave her alone?

He sighs deeply and it makes her skin crawl.

"Kairi, I know it's hard, but I want to help." Mr. Perfect Doctor tells her. Her blue eyes flicker in his direction for a brief second. She catches him in his white coat again, glasses propped on his pale face.

She reckons his name is Ansem or something like that. She doesn't really remember – or she doesn't really _want_ to remember. She just wants to be left alone. No one ever listens to her anymore, no one understands.

Kairi shifts a little on the chair, but she keeps her eyes firmly on the floor. She doesn't want to see his stupid hopeful expression on his face. He's not going to help her. He just… can't.

"Do you understand what I'm saying, Kairi?"

She winces when she hears her name. She really loathes the way it sounds on his tongue. All friendly and encouraging. As if he knew her, as if he _really_ wanted to help. And she hates it more that she has to hear it, after every sentence.

She makes no indication that she's heard him. She can't speak. She _won't_ speak. She's given up trying. No one has heard her voice in three months. She doesn't see the point in speaking. They don't understand the simple desire of being left alone. How could they understand what she was feeling now?

Anger.

Guilt.

Sadness.

Loneliness.

Abandonment.

These emotions flit by so fast that she can't keep up with them. They leave her dizzy and confused. So she just settles with feeling nothing. It's certainly better than bursting into tears or having a panic attack at random periods of time.

Ansem sighs again, takes off his glasses, and rubs his eyes. She's gathered that, because he always does this at the end of their sessions. He makes that _it's a lost cause_ gesture. And that's exactly what she is, a lost cause.

"I think this is enough for today." He says, picking up his clipboard and scribbling something down. She lifts her eyes to see him, staring down at his sheet with furrowed brows. He rips the paper off and hands it to her. "Here's your prescription."

Yes. That's the perfect way to solve everything, just feed me pills, she thinks, taking the form.

When she walks into the small waiting room, her mother puts down the cosmetic magazine she was flipping through and looks up at her. She smiles a fake, warm smile, and Kairi has to turn away. It's blinding.

Her mother knows not to touch her when they exit the doctor's office. No one touches her, except her sister Xion. But even then Kairi tenses up and comes close to an anxiety fit. The last time Xion held her hand she started screaming for an hour.

She doesn't speak to anyone. People visit her, but she refuses to acknowledge them.

Sora's parents visited her once, along with his sister Namine. She locked the door that day. She hasn't actually seen them with her eyes for three months.

It's a routine. Kairi goes home after every doctor's visit and locks herself in her room. She always resumes her previous position. Lying flat on her bed and staring at the chipped ceiling. Her fingers move to the nightstand by the bed, and close around a very wrinkled newspaper. It's dated back to May. Her chest constricts when she pulls the paper closer to her.

It crinkles when she presses it against her chest. Her eyes close and she feels it. The building up in her chest, and the heat creeping towards her throat.

This is the only time she voluntarily allows herself to cry.

.

.

Kairi was seven when she first moved to Radiant Gardens. Her father had found a new job in the city and it was decided that the whole family should move. She hated it there. She missed her old friends.

The first week, she gave her parents a really hard time. Causing tantrums, and twice running away. Xion was always the good little sister. It made Kairi even lonelier.

When school started, it felt worse. She wanted to blend in, hating attention. But she received the opposite. The first few days she walked around the school as if she had three eyes with the amount of attention she was getting.

It wasn't until she got lost in the big kids playground that things started turning around for the better. She was only in second grade, so when she noticed that she was walking around with an unrecognizable group of kids she panicked. She was in the wrong area.

In her little scared fit, she bumped into another person. It was a boy, who in all honesty, didn't look like he belonged there either. He was small and scrawny, and probably the same height as Kairi, if not shorter. His brown hair was a mess, and poked out in the oddest places. Without thinking she reached out and tugged on one of the spikes.

"Oww!" He mumbled, swatting her hand away. "What was that for?"

Kairi blinked, staring at him in amazement. He calmed down, and looked at her with these mesmerizing blue eyes. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Who're you?" He asked finally.

"Kairi." She said.

He tilted his head to the side like a puppy and regarded her with a curious expression on his round, tanned face. Then, he broke out in an ear to ear smile. She saw one of his front teeth missing.

"I'm Sora!" he exclaimed, before looking down sheepishly. "Riku says, I'm not s'posed to talk to girls, 'cause they have cooties."

Kairi wanted to be offended. But she was – well intrigued. He was beautiful. And something different than her barbies, or Xion. He was a _boy_.

"I don't have cooties." Kairi said with a giggle.

"He lied to me!" Sora ended up looking offended and started mumbling to himself.

Kairi couldn't help another roll of laughter from coming out.

They were inseparable after that. Well, until she had to meet this Riku, person, Sora talked so fondly of. If Kairi was being honest, she was pretty sure Riku hated her guts.

He glared at her when Sora introduced her. And when they started playing pirates (sword fighting was kind of popular), Riku would purposely hit her, making up a new rule to kill the princess. She knew that she was more than often the reason for Sora and Riku's fights. There were days when it was just her and Sora. But Sora would be really sad.

It made Kairi sad too. So she dealt with Riku for Sora. They were friends now.

So she made herself a deal. She wouldn't play with Riku and Sora when they were sword fighting, but instead watch from the side lines. It was a pretty good deal. She got to be around Sora, when he was happy.

And even, Namine sometimes joined her. She was Sora's younger sister. They were the same age. In fact they were in the same class. Kairi later realized that she was painfully shy, and probably the reason they never talked during class.

She was, okay to hang out with. They looked alike. Namine and Sora. Only she was blonde and really pale, while Sora was a brunette and tanned. But they had the same eyes and facial expressions. Sora had the better smile. She wasn't the same though. She wasn't outgoing, or talkative, or even _fun_. Most of the time she was buried in this huge sketchbook she always carried with her.

Over the years, the four of them became close, but sometimes they left Namine out. She always was the annoying little tag along. And over the years, Kairi and Riku had this odd sort of connection. It always felt like she was competing against him for something.

.

.

Kairi thumbs over the newspaper. She doesn't look at it. She can't. She didn't even finish reading it when it first came out.

She thinks she should really throw it away. But she can't. For some twisted reason, she needs it. This paper ties her to reality. If she didn't have it, her mind would go off into a fantasy world. She needs it. She needs it. She needs it.

It doesn't matter how much it hurts her to have that constant reminder. It doesn't matter because everything around her is a constant reminder.

The door knocks and she knows it's Xion about to tell her that dinner is ready. She can tell because Xion is always hesitant with her knocks. As if she were afraid the door would self-destruct.

"Kairi, um, dinner's ready." She says tentatively from the other side. Always the same thing said, at the same exact time. It really is a routine. Yet Kairi is still not used to it. She doesn't care.

She's never hungry anymore. The thought of sitting at the dinner table, and eating food makes her want to vomit.

She doesn't get out of her room.

Another five minutes later a louder knocking breaks the silence. It's her mother. She can tell. She knows her mother is frustrated, annoyed, and tired of her lack of response to anything. She knows this. And she can't blame her mother for getting angry at her. It's normal. It's human. She just doesn't understand.

She's not living. And she doesn't want to stop anyone around her from living either.

Kairi languidly rises from her position on the bed and walks towards the door. Her movements are sluggish, as she slowly unlocks the door and pulls it. She doesn't look at her mother or Xion as she closes the door behind her.

But she can feel their eyes on her. Her mother quickly huffs and strides down the stairs. She never really was a patient person. Xion is the one that waits by her and grabs her hand. Kairi flinches but allows her sister to lead her down the stairs. As if she needed the help. She only does it to please her sister.

When they reach the bottom of the stairs something's different. Xion's hand is a little clammy and she's holding on tighter than the usual. Kairi brings her dead eyes from the floor to glance at Xion. Her blue eyes stare back at her nervously. She clears her throat, and tightens her grip on Kairi's hand. It hurts; however, it's nothing compared to constant pain Kairi wakes up to. She keeps her mouth clamped shut.

"Kairi, you have – um, a visitor." Xion whispers, before leading her into the dining room to find a blonde perched on one of the chairs.

Namine is staring at her, with a small smile on her face.

Kairi's hand curls into a ball under Xion's. She feels her body go stiff. Why is _she_ here? What the hell is she doing here? They know not to bring _her_ here. Or any of his family!

Kairi can feel her breath become heavy and laborious. It's getting harder to receive oxygen. She stares back at the blonde's unrelenting gaze. And it hurts so much. Because she's staring at her with those mesmerizing blue eyes. Sora's blue eyes.

It's like she's staring at him all over again. He's at her house, bugging her and bumming off of her mother's cooking. Telling her she looks like a right mess because she just rolled out of bed.

"Are you hungry?" He grins widely. " 'Cause this food's really good. Better hurry or I'll eat your plate too."

She feels her eyes sting, and her vision slowly becomes blurry. Her chest constricts but then loosens considerably. He's here. He's here sitting in her dinner table, eating her mother's food. It's – it's really him.

She chews her lips to stop it from trembling. She wants to run and throw her arms over him.

Sora's expression falters. His brows pull together and he's frowning uncharacteristically. Lighten up Sora, she thinks. "I'm sorry."

Kairi's about to open her mouth and tell him there's nothing to be sorry about, but in the next second the image of the brunette shatters and sitting in his seat is his sister. Namine, with her eyebrows pulled together, and her lips tucked into a deep frown.

"I shouldn't have come." She says quietly, getting up from her seat. "I'm sorry Kairi."

The whole situation hits her harder than she expected, when she first saw the blonde.

She doesn't know when she started screaming. One second she's frozen and the next Namine is running out the door and Xion is hurrying her to her room.

.

.

It might've been an understatement to say that Kairi developed a small crush on Sora. She was completely taken with him. He was always so nice to her. When Riku accidently knocked her sea-salt ice cream out of her hands, Sora was always the first to volunteer his ice cream.

When the trio – and Namine – reached Junior High, Kairi was determined to take this school girl crush to the next level. So when the eighth grade dance came around, Kairi set her sights on asking Sora.

After numerous failed attempts and obstacles, she managed to get the brunette on his own.

"What is Kai?" He asked, with genuine curiosity. He licked the braces over his teeth quickly and stared at her patiently. She internally swooned at the movement. He truly was the only one that could pull off looking so adorable in braces.

"I – I … um… well the dance is coming up soon…" She trailed off, hoping he'd get the hint. Sora tilted his head to the side, and gave her that dopey, puppy dog face he was so good at. She felt her lips tug into a nervous smile.

"That's right, this Friday huh? You should really find a date, before all the good pickings are gone." He said, genuinely concerned for her.

Kairi bowed her head, and shuffled her feet awkwardly. "I was actually, hoping that maybe you might, um, want to – to come with me?"

"To the dance?" He asked, puzzled.

She was already blushing like a tomato as she nodded.

Sora's confused expression faded into a sympathetic face.

"I really want to, but I'm kind of hanging out Friday with Riku." He said sincerely. Kairi wanted the earth to crack open and be sucked in. Or struck by lightning at the very least.

Her throat clogged up as she tried to think of a response. What would she say? That it was okay, because it certainly was not okay, she wanted to be blasted off the face of the earth.

"Oh no, it's totally fine. I don't even like dances… and stuff." She finished stupidly, backing away and tripping over a rock.

At that moment she wished she didn't ask a thing.

She avoided Sora the whole day. And to her utter disdain, Riku seemed oddly pleased. She was miserable the rest of the day and drifted to her classes with a rain cloud over her head. She shouldn't have made it so obvious.

She hated questions. So when Namine came up to her and asked her what was wrong, she was close to shoving the blonde in the nearest trashcan.

"It's nothing." She mumbled dejectedly. Namine studied her for a moment, her brows furrowed, tilting her head to the side, not so different than what Sora had done. Kairi looked away with a pout. "What is it Namine?"

She didn't mean to sound so bitchy, but she really wasn't in the mood to deal with the introverted blonde.

"I-I… you looked upset." Namine murmured softly.

"Yeah, well I'm not."

Namine was silent for a moment. Kairi wished she would just leave her alone. She picked up her pace, hoping to leave a gap between the two of them. The blonde caught up easily.

"So um… I was wondering, since you already bought tickets for the dance and – "

Kairi suddenly stopped and Namine crashed into her.

"How'd you know that?" She demanded and the blonde shrunk away. Her face flushed a deep red and she fumbled with an answer.

"I-I just… I mean you asked my brother didn't you? So, I mean.. do you want to go with me so you don't waste money? I mean just as friends." She said in a rush that Kairi blinked in confusion.

After several seconds Kairi, handed Namine the tickets.

"It's an eighth grade dance. They won't let us in without an eighth grader. I'm sure you'll find someone else to take."

By the time Kairi went home, she was miserable. Life just wasn't fair when it came to Sora. Who was Riku to take him away from her? She liked him. And he most certainly liked her, right?

She was getting to the bottom of this.

After a couple of hours she called Namine and asked the whereabouts of her brother. She seemed hesitant about giving out that kind of information so Kairi let her tag along.

Namine was really against finding her brother, much to Kairi's annoyance, and suggested going back home. But Kairi was determined.

And when they found them playing basketball at the local park, she was so close to barging over there and dragging Sora away with her. But something made her pause in her step. At a first glance one wouldn't think twice about the two boys. But at a closer look, they did look in a very compromising position. The both of them were standing too close for comfort.

The ball lay abandoned by the stand for the basketball hoop.

Sora's arms were stiff at his sides and he was looking up at Riku with something akin to amazement. Riku in turn smiled down at the brunette, a soft playful smirk – one that Kairi was not accustomed to – directed towards him.

He brushed his brown jagged bangs out of his face, and let his fingers trail down the side of his cheek. Kairi held her breath and trained her gaze on the interaction. Sora closed his eyes and shuddered. Something was off…

Kairi felt Namine stiffen at her side, and heard her choke down a large gulp. But she ignored it. Sora's face flushed as Riku leant down slightly and whispered something. Kairi cursed at the lack of sound trailing in their direction. What did he say to him?

Sora all of sudden, broke from his admiring gaze and looked quickly around, before glaring down at the pavement. He was talking; his mouth was moving. And then he was moving to grab the ball, and quickly made his way across the court, leaving Riku alone.

.

.

The next day is different. She doesn't go to the doctor's visit like she's supposed. Instead Ansem comes to visit her in her room. He sits on her computer chair and regards her with a blank expression. Kairi lays flat on the bed. She hates him here. The only place she can be alone, her sanctuary. And he's here intruding and looking through her stuff.

She notices him glance at the wrinkled newspaper tucked underneath her unused alarm clock on the nightstand.

"So I've heard a friend came to visit you yesterday, Kairi." He says calmly. Like that was the most normal thing to say in the world. Like she didn't have a freak out. God, she really hates this guy.

She doesn't say anything, doesn't even show any kind of acknowledgment.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" He asks, and then chuckles a second later at her lack of response. "Of course, how silly of me. Would you like to write it down, Kairi? I've got a pen and paper right here."

He rises from his seat and hands her his clipboard and pen. She catches him try to sneak the newspaper from under her alarm clock. He coughs and attempts to cover the paper with his coat. She glares at him and doesn't touch the clipboard set at the edge of her bed.

He looks at her tiredly and sighs deeply. He pulls the newspaper and holds it up for me to see.

"I see you still have this." He comments, giving it a little shake. "I know, it must hurt to see this every day."

You have no idea, she thinks angrily. She can feel it boiling in her stomach. And she tries to control it, control herself from having another panic attack. So she keeps her face passive and occasionally gives him a glare.

"You keep this as a sort of keepsake, don't you? Is this why you keep it Kairi?" Ansem questions her encouragingly, like an owner calling a puppy. She hates it. There isn't a moment where she loathes this sack of crap more than now. "Please. Tell me. Write it down."

She won't touch the clipboard. Ansem sighs, pulls his glasses off and rubs his eyes. She wants to sigh in relief. But then he has to take the newspaper and tuck it inside his coat pocket. His face is remote.

"I think it would be best if I keep this." He finally says rising from his seat. Kairi doesn't realize it but she's sprung from her seat and staring at him wildly. She's breathing heavily and she wants to – she wants to scream. Tell him to fuck off! Tell him to give it back. It's hers. She needs it. He doesn't understand!

Ansem watches her with a raised brow.

She chokes on her saliva as it dries up. Her arms feel heavy as she tries to lift them up to grab the paper.

_Give it back. _The words are burning in her chest, but they never make it past her throat. She can feel her eyes begin to tear up.

"Give it back."

Ansem stumbles backwards shocked. Kairi has her mouth open but she knows the voice doesn't belong to her. Her gaze shifts towards the door, to see Namine standing nervously in the doorway. Her heart beat picks up its pace and she's torn between giving her a look of relief and a panicked look.

She's here again. She's here again and everything's going to be worse. Kairi feels her legs shaking as she stares from both blondes. Ansem gives her hard look.

"Look here, young lady, I happen to know what I'm doing – "

"Obviously not if she's going to freak out, like this." Namine cuts in harshly. Kairi doesn't know when she grew a backbone. Namine was always a pushover. "Give it back to her."

Ansem regards with a something similar to a sneer before taking the newspaper out and placing it on the nightstand. He straightens his coat, before stalking past Namine, still wearing that semi glare. The door shuts and Kairi immediately sinks back into the bed and clutches the newspaper.

Kairi shuts her eyes and wills for Namine to leave her alone. She needs this – this time to be alone. To cry alone. But she remains still in the room. Kairi glances at her and finds that she's taken Ansem's seat. She doesn't say anything, but stares at her with an unreadable expression. Another difference from her and her brother. Sora was so easy to read.

She scoots the chair closer to Kairi's bed and pulls something out from her bag, that Kairi's just noticed she was carrying. That huge sketchbook. Namine, gently pulls a sheet out, and turns it over before Kairi can see what it is. She places it on the nightstand face down, and puts her sketchbook away.

And she sits there for a good hour. Kairi doesn't like it. It makes her uncomfortable. And this was her time to be alone. Doesn't this girl understand that?

Kairi's eyes flicker in her direction again, and Namine staring at her again with that same expression. Kairi becomes annoyed and doesn't look in her direction for the rest of the stay.

What happened to the girl from before? The one who practically ran away from her?

When Namine leaves, Kairi doesn't feel a sense of relief.

.

.

The behavior between Sora and Riku just seemed to become weirder and weirder to Kairi. It almost felt like flirting. And boys just didn't flirt…with each other.

Kairi always felt like the third wheel among the two of them. And it just didn't make sense. They were boys. Wouldn't they have taken an interest in girls by then? In her? Kairi was by no means an unattractive girl. In fact she received numerous invites to dates to the movies and such, but there was really only one person she wanted to date.

She was annoyed and fed up. It got to the point where she couldn't be in the same room with both of them. She loathed Riku more than the fact that she wasn't hanging around Sora. Who was this guy anyway? Couldn't he see that Sora and her were like the perfect couple ever?

They had made it to high school. And Kairi felt more alone than the time she had first moved to Radiant Gardens. When the boys were off in their own world, she felt abandoned. Of course she had Namine, but it wasn't the same. And Namine had drifted off to her own different group of weird, artist freaks. Most of the time she couldn't stand sitting there, watching them zone out or doodle in their sketchpads.

She missed Sora more than anything.

And goddammit, she _was_ going to see him. She knew where he'd be waiting to get picked up at the end of the school day. Once she spotted Sora and Namine together, standing by the parking lot, a new wave of determination hit her.

She was going to demand to spend time together. And maybe… go out? Her motives wavered when she saw the look on Sora's face. He was – angry. His tanned face looked distressed and frustrated all at one as he pouted at his younger sister.

Kairi watched the two siblings, looking as if they were arguing. Namine had a scowl on her face and she held her book tighter against her chest. Kairi, feeling incredibly stalkerish, crept closer to the pair. It wasn't like she was eavesdropping. She was just worried for her best friend.

"I don't know what you want from me Namine!" He snapped, crossing his arms over his chest very similar to the pose she was in.

"You're a hypocrite." She accused. Sora blinked rapidly, his face turning red by the second.

"What do you mean?" He demanded shakily.

"I saw you Sora. You and Riku, okay?" The blonde admitted, slightly sheepish.

"That was… that was just, I was – "

"It's okay!" Namine muttered quickly.

"No, I know what you're thinking and it's not true okay!"

"Sora, relax. I'm not mad because of that." Her voice lowered into a whisper and Kairi had to strain to hear what she was saying. "I-I'm not saying you're feelings for him are wrong. Do whatever you want. Just don't drag Kairi into this."

Sora's glare melted and he actually looked a little sick.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Kairi sure as hell didn't know what they were talking about either. She was just as confused as Sora claimed he was. Except one statement stood out to her. Feelings for him. Feelings for Riku?

Was, Sora, the boy she was crushing on, gay?

.

.

Namine continues with her little routine of coming by every day, same time, and dropping off a new picture. Face down. Same as always. And she also sits in the chair for about an hour and stares at her, no speaking whatsoever.

It happens so often that Kairi supposes she's gotten used to it. She hasn't been having those bursts of crying anymore. And for some twisted, sick reason she begins to anticipate the blonde's arrival.

She doesn't dare touch those drawings though. They still remain stacked on the nightstand. There are at least ten already stacked there. And every time Namine walks in with a new one her eyes fall on the piled up stack with a disappointed look.

What get's Kairi the most the most is the disappointment she feels in herself at seeing the disappointment on the blonde's face. What the hell? When the hell did she start caring about it?

It's still sometimes painful to look at Namine, because of the striking resemblance she has towards her brother. Kairi doesn't even think Namine realizes it.

Kairi can't look at her for too long. But each day, she finds that she stares back at her for longer segments of time.

.

.

If Kairi knew any better, Sora was avoiding Riku. Which was in itself was weird because they were always together. It only seemed to further prove her questioning of her best friend and secret crush's sexuality.

The questioning didn't last long, however. A week after Kairi listened in on the siblings' argument, Sora came up to her. He stopped her before she walked into her English class. His hands were jammed into his pocket and he regarded her with a nervous expression.

She smiled at him to ease the tension, feeling her face flush. At this Sora gave her a returning megawatt smile.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in such a long time." He admitted, nudging her with his elbow. "How've you been?"

Her smile faltered a bit. "Okay."

"Okay?" He questioned comically. "You missed me, didn't you! Namine not treating you well?"

"She's certainly not you." Kairi admitted honestly. Sora's grin melted away, and soon he was gazing at her seriously. His hand suddenly reached forward and brushed back a stray strand of hair from her face. It reminded her oddly of the time she caught Sora and Riku at the basketball courts. Her stomach tightened at the thought.

And she was feeling a little lightheaded.

He cleared his throat and retracted his hand.

"Listen, I was um, wondering if you're doing anything tonight." He said quickly.

"No…."

"Do you want to – uh – you know go with me to watch that new movie that came out?" He continued.

"Like a date?"

"Yeah."

.

.

On one particular day, Namine does not show up. And Kairi freaks out. She doesn't understand the irrational urge to just scream out. Her body is on fire and she needs it. No. She needs her. She needs to see Namine watching her. Needs to see her scoot the chair up to her bed. Needs to see her drop another drawing that Kairi won't touch, on the nightstand.

Xion manages to calm her down until she's whimpering uncontrollably into her pillow. The newspaper is clutched tightly into her right hand. And it's just not enough. It's not enough. She needs to see her.

The day passes in a painful blur and one that she is completely incoherent.

The next day, the blonde does show up. Earlier than usual. She looks pale and there are dark rings underneath her eyes. She grabs the chair immediately and tiredly plops into it. Kairi can't help it. She feels the tug at her lips before it registers in her brain exactly what she's doing.

Namine is so exhausted looking, she doesn't notice at first. But when she does. Her face breaks out into a smile too. A small timid one. A Namine smile.

She doesn't bring a drawing with her this time. For the first time in all of her visits she talks to her.

"I'm sorry; I forgot to bring the new one. I was in such a rush this morning. Mad house at the department store for school supplies." She whispers quietly, before leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes.

That's right, Kairi thinks, watching the blonde absently. It was the last week of August; school would've started in a week.

Namine cracks her eyes open and leans forward in her chair. She looks like she wants to say something, but she closes her mouth instead and looks over towards the still faced down stack of drawings.

She's silent for a few seconds.

"You should look at them." She mutters softly. She turns to look at her with a hopeful expression and it reminds Kairi sickeningly of Ansem. Her expression reverts back to detachment and Kairi turns completely away from her.

What does she know? She thinks she's helping Kairi? Well she's wrong.

An angry huff startles Kairi, and causes her to turn back around. Namine has risen from her seat and is glowering down at her. The frustration in her blue eyes scares Kairi.

"You know, Kairi, you're not the only person hurting here." Namine says and it surprises Kairi how broken her voice sounds. It's a tone Kairi has never heard before.

Kairi blinks up at her and sees her eyes shining with unshed tears. Sora's eyes crying down at her.

"I-I lost my brother too. Things are hard, I get it, but I'm not feeling so goddamn sorry for myself." She shakes her head, before grabbing her bag, throwing it over her shoulder and storming out.

All of this because she wouldn't look at the stupid pictures?

In all the three months Kairi has never had a person yell at her like that.

.

.

They had gone on a fair amount of dates throughout tenth grade. It was never anything serious. This made her upset. They hadn't even kissed yet.

Kairi was so disappointed at that thought, that she hadn't really noticed the fact that Riku and Namine were spending so much time together until Sora pointed it out. They were sitting in the library – Kairi was studying and Sora was flipping through a comic book. She looked up at him to see the furrow of his brown eyebrows, and a small pout on his lips.

"They're going out aren't they?" He asked her sullenly, nudging his head towards Riku and Namine. Kairi directed her attention to the pair and watched them thoughtfully. They were both in a hushed corner, whispering conspiratorially.

"I-I never really noticed it before." Kairi answered honestly, and turned back to her notes. She heard Sora huff.

"Do you think they are?" He questioned Kairi after about a minute of silence. She set her notes down again, and scrutinized her best friend.

"I guess, that's what it looks like."

"Why wouldn't they say anything to me?" Sora demanded, shaking his head.

"Is it really making you mad?" Kairi asked incredulously. His pout deepened, and he crossed his arms over his chest, turning completely away from the pair. He wouldn't talk for the rest of the library visit.

Kairi would have waved this incident off as Sora's protectiveness over his younger sister. But when she turned to glance at the pair, she was met with one of Riku's smirks.

The next day, Sora asked her to be his girlfriend.

.

.

Kairi doesn't exactly know why she feels sad. It's a different kind of sad. Like a dull aching. It can't compare to the sadness she feels whenever she thinks of Sora or even Riku. But this?

It's stupid and she knows it. She feels stupid for being alone. For pushing Namine away. Stupid for not looking at the pictures when she was asked too. How hard is it to look at a damn drawing?

She chews her lip, eyeing the nightstand with careful eyes. She deliberates for another ten minutes before sitting up from her seat. She takes a deep, cool breath and with shaking fingers reaches for the stack of pictures neatly piled.

Her fingers brush against the rough paper, as she brings it to her face, blank side faced to her. She sucks in another breath before flipping over the first one.

Her eyes sting as she flits around the jagged, untamed hair, shooting at the ends of the paper. The round face, and sculpted lips. Straight perfect nose. Her gaze stops at the eyes. It's only in pencil. But with the amount of depth and shading Namine has done, it looks almost real.

Kairi flips over the next one and the sudden color almost blinds her. It's of him again. Anxiously she flips through more until she pauses on the last one. The page is completely red.

She pauses, studying it. The color looks oddly familiar.

She doesn't realize it until later that the picture was the same color as her hair.

.

.

Butterflies. That's exactly what she felt when she and Sora first kissed. It was after date number ten – dinner at the local pizza parlor. She was in the middle of talking to him, when he just stopped her and pressed his lips against hers. It caught her off so badly that she – for a brief second – forgot how to breathe.

It didn't last long. In fact, Sora's kisses wouldn't last long, and they were the same every time ever since then. Chaste, and innocent, it was okay with Kairi. They were sweet enough.

It was a year. Their relationship lasted a whole year. Just Sora and her. How it used to be in the younger years. There was no Riku and no Namine to ruin it.

She was happy, so incredibly happy. Nothing could bother her….

Except there _were_ things that bothered her. The fact that they were moving nowhere in their relationship.

Sora would only kiss her when they were at school. It didn't bother her so much that he probably wanted to show off his girlfriend. What really bugged her that Sora would attack her only when Riku was present.

Kairi tried to ignore it at first. It didn't mean anything of course.

But things just kept building and building afterwards. It felt like their whole relationship was just – fake. She never confronted Sora about this. She just – if she were being honest with herself – had fallen for him. And hard. Despite her internal suspicions regarding her boyfriend, she would do anything for him.

He was her best friend, and she loved him.

Kairi, unfortunately, was not the only one who noticed Sora's behavior.

Her, as Kairi only referred to in her mind, competition caught the way Sora threw himself over the redhead.

And he had the decency to bring it up to her one day. Kairi was at her locker, fighting with the combination to stuff her heavy books in. She hated the locker; it never opened when she was struggling to hold her books. Just as she was about to put them down, a hand large pale hand outstretched and pulled the books away.

Kairi's eyes snapped up to meet the owner of that hand. Riku. His green eyes calculated her moves and she felt embarrassed and vulnerable under them. She was always uncomfortable being around Riku alone. She didn't know if he was going to be downright mean to her, or nice – which in a sense was being mean anyway.

"R-Riku?" She stuttered, forgetting the locker completely.

"Kairi." He responded curtly, leaning against the neighboring locker, and looking down at her. He was about another two feet taller than her. "We need to talk."

"What about?" Kairi's tone began to sound wary. She always had to be wary and on her toes around Riku. He shot her a little smirk, jerking his head for her to follow. She chewed her lip before trailing after the silver haired boy.

"I'm not really one to beat around the bush…" He trailed off, flipping through Kairi's notebook. He made a disgruntled face at what he saw, and Kairi realized he had seen the _Sora+Kairi_ doodles all over the first page.

Her face flushed deeply, as she cleared her throat pointedly.

"Look, as much as we've had our differences – "

"Differences as in you calling me names, demeaning me, and purposely causing physical harm to my health-"

"-Okay I get it!" Riku snapped, rubbing his forehead with his empty hand. "As I was saying, I know we've had our differences in the past and I think you get the hint that you're not my favorite person on earth – "

"-You hate me." Kairi pointed out helpfully, earning a glare.

"But I don't really want to see you get hurt – well unless it's from me." Riku continued as if she hadn't said anything.

Kairi opened her mouth to retort, but stopped, blinking. Riku's words had just processed in her head and she couldn't really believe he had said them.

"W-what?" She questioned, just to make sure she heard right. He huffed angrily, shooting her another glare. Kairi scrutinized him and noticed that there was a small flush spread across his pale face.

"You're like an annoying little, pesky sister." He admitted, looking down at the floor. "And a _cock-block_…"

"A what?"

"Nothing. Look the point is, I don't want to dislike you, but what you're doing now is causing me to feel that way towards you. And in the long run you're going to get hurt." He stated. "Which I don't want on my conscience." He added hurriedly.

"What are you talking about?" Kairi finally asked after several moments. Kairi stopped in her steps and stared at the back of Riku's head weirdly. He followed suit, and turned around to face her. His expression was remote and detached. And it scared Kairi to death.

"Sora doesn't want you. He wants me and I want him too." He said in a low voice.

Kairi froze. Her expression froze. Even her mind froze. An unsettling chill ran up and down her body. Finally after what felt like hours, the freezing temperature melted slightly rendering her the ability to think.

This- this couldn't be true, she thought. Sora was going out with her, not Riku. And as far as she knew, Sora was undeniably straight and was attracted to her.

She sucked in a deep breath, and licked her lips nervously.

"You're crazy!" She exclaimed, raising her arm and pointing a shaky finger in his direction. "You're absolutely insane! Sora's with me, and – and he's not – not _gay_!"

Riku looked angry for a second, causing her to back away. But the next second he looked as calm as ever.

"Don't act surprised, Kairi. You mean to tell me that you couldn't see it? After all these years?"

.

.

Kairi sits there for a good hour, staring down at the drawings. They – _hurt_ to look at, yet she can't seem to peel her eyes away from them. Especially the last one. What did all of it mean?

Her hand brushes against the red paper, feeling the smooth layer of the oil pastel.

She wishes she would have looked at the pictures earlier. They help. And looking at them wouldn't have pushed Namine away.

Kairi doesn't understand it – this pain forming deep in her chest at the sight of the angry blonde.

She won't admit it but she _misses_ Namine.

.

.

That little confrontation with Riku only angered Kairi for the rest of that week. And yet, it also made her that much more insecure. She was with Sora everywhere, tailing him anytime she could. She knew Sora was beginning to become annoyed with the redhead, but she couldn't help it.

She had to secure what was hers, and some jerk like Riku would not take Sora away from her.

By the end of the week her stalkerish habits were diminishing. She was pretty confident that Sora was going to stay with her.

So when she caught the two together in an uncompromising position again, it sort of felt like someone pulled a rug from beneath her feet.

Kairi wanted to surprise Sora for his birthday by showing up at midnight in his room. She was planning to finally give herself to him. It was the perfect plan. She had thought about it for a long time. He was her best friend, the love of her high school life. He was the perfect boy to share this experience with.

So she set off with that mission. But upon arriving to Sora's house she was hit with a rude awakening.

She spotted the silver hair near the side of the house, below Sora's window. And it made her stop in her tracks. Quickly, before anyone would notice she hid behind the nearest bush and watched intently as Sora popped his head out the window.

She noticed how his smile brightened at seeing Riku in a way that she never could cause. He quickly climbed out the window, and slid carefully down the roof a few feet away from the other boy. Once Sora rose they both stared at each other for a moment.

"I thought you wouldn't come." Sora's low voice seemed to create goose bumps on Kairi's flesh. He never once spoke to her like that.

"It's your birthday dork." Riku laughed easily, striding closer to the brunette. Kairi held her breath and clamped her hand around one of the bushes branches.

Sora pouted, and rolled his eyes. "I know that. It's just that we haven't really been speaking to each other."

Riku's face turned serious. "You were the one that wanted space."

"I know, I just…" Sora trailed off. And it didn't go unnoticed by Kairi, the way his cheeks flushed. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." Riku answered automatically. They both were silent – just staring at each other like before. Kairi's heart was heavy and beating really fast. She knew it then, this was the moment. The moment that determined whether Riku was right.

She knew the answer before anything even happened. The way Sora would look at Riku was the dead giveaway.

Riku reached out, and brushed the spiky, brown bangs away from Sora's tanned face. He looked down at him with adoration swimming in his green eyes. And then he leant down, pressing his lips against the shorter boy's.

Kairi didn't stick around for anymore.

She walked back home, feeling like the biggest idiot that walked the face of the earth.

.

.

The next day, Namine comes bursting into Kairi's room like a wounded puppy.

"I am so sorry, Kairi!" She apologizes to her for what seems like the billionth time. "That was out of line. I shouldn't have just blown up on you yesterday."

Kairi doesn't respond, just smiles at her. That's the only way she knows to convey to Namine that everything is cool. After a few minutes the blonde finally calms down and takes her usual seat, watching Kairi.

Kairi, for the first time sits on the edge of her bed and stares back at the blonde. She can tell Namine is uncomfortable and it gives the red head this weird sort of satisfaction.

The blonde coughs nervously, and for the first time looks away from the redhead. Her eyes flit around the room, and once the flush from her cheeks disappears, Kairi knows that Namine notices what's different.

"You looked at them!" Namine cries out incredulously, rising from her seat to inspect her drawings hanging on Kairi's wall. "Kairi this is so great!"

You're great, Kairi thinks and desperately wants to say it. She actually wants to talk to this girl. It's not fair that she has to have a one-sided conversation. But the words die down on her throat. She just can't. Not yet.

But, eventually.

She knows she will. For Namine.

.

.

At first, Kairi waited for Sora to tell her something about the little midnight rendezvous with Riku. Anything. She was patient with him. She loved him. And as much as it broke her heart, as much as she hated it, as much as it hurt, she would learn to be okay with it because it was Sora. They were best friends. And best friends always stuck together.

But the months went by, and Sora would not speak a word about Riku with her. He acted as if nothing was wrong. He acted like her boyfriend. Yet she knew it was not the case. She knew he would sneak off with his silver haired best friend any chance he got.

That was what hurt her the most. The fact that Sora would just _use_ her.

But everyday she would let it go. He needed her. He was scared. She understood that. And despite that terrible feeling of rejection and longing she got whenever she saw Sora, she would undoubtedly walk the ends of the earth for him.

Out of all the people to notice her internal pain, it had to be Namine. The two rarely talked, ever since Sora and Kairi got together. So when the blonde suddenly pulled Kairi aside, it shocked the living daylights out of her.

"Namine?" Kairi gaped as the blonde studied her seriously.

"You know." She said. Kairi raised an eyebrow.

"Huh?"

Namine swallowed hard, eyes flitted around to see if anyone was listening before leaning in towards Kairi.

"_You know_, don't you?" She hissed urgently, staring at her with those big blue eyes. Sora's big blue eyes.

_Sora._

Kairi looked away, feeling her lips tremble.

"Break up with him." Namine said, causing Kairi to snap her head back in the blonde's direction angrily.

"He's – he's scared. I can't just leave him like that-"

"You're better off. He's hurting you."

.

.

Namine sits back down in the chair and stares at Kairi with amazement. It makes her – well it makes her flush. And that's never happened in such a long time. She looks so much like her brother. Kairi thinks that's why all of these confusing feelings are sprouting up.

The next thing the blonde does shocks Kairi; she reaches for her hand and grabs it. It should freak Kairi out. It should make her panic and start screaming. But she feels oddly at peace.

Her hand is cold – unlike Sora's warm ones she remembered. Namine flips her hand over and intertwines their fingers. Kairi feels their palms brushing against each other. It's… it's soothing.

Sora's hands were soft, baby soft, whereas his sister's are slightly rough – an artist's hand. Kairi can picture that hand holding onto a brush, and a thick stick of charcoal. She can imagine some of the black powder to get stuck underneath Namine's nails, or paint splattered across her fingers.

And surprisingly that vision makes her stomach flutter – in a good way.

This is certainly different, she thinks.

"Thank you." Namine whispers quietly. "It means a lot."

.

.

Kairi seized the opportunity to finally confront her _boyfriend_, when he dropped her off home. He pulled up in her driveway and put the car in park – the engine still running. Kairi froze in her seat, debating whether to go through with this or not. But then Namine's voice rang through her head.

No. She needed to do this.

"You want me to walk you to the door?"Sora asked because of her lack of movement. Kairi shook her head mechanically before turning to look at her best friend.

"Sora… is there anything you want tell me?" She questioned nervously. Sora stared back at her puzzled. His eyebrows furrowed.

"I don't know what you mean, Kai." He answered truthfully. She wished he wouldn't be so oblivious at a time like this. Kairi took a deep breath, and turned in her seat to face him. She unbuckled her seat belt, and reached for his hand on the steering wheel.

"Is there anything you want to tell me," She repeated slowly, staring at him straight in the eyes. "About you and Riku?"

Sora stayed silent for a few seconds, his eyes blinking rapidly. Before his lips began trembling and his eyes widened with realization.

"Kairi, I am so sorry." He began, turning away from her.

Kairi smiled sadly in his direction, a hand coming to rest on his shoulder.

"It's okay." She reassured.

"It's – it's not. It really isn't. I feel horrible."

Kairi had convinced the brunette to sit out on the sidewalk to talk. And as much as it hurt, she needed to do this. To have some kind of closure.

"I don't know what to say, Kairi. I-I used you. How can you still want to be my friend?" Sora cried out, burying his head in his knee. She felt her heart ache at her best friend's despair. She hated herself for being the cause of it all. Why couldn't she just stay out of their business?

Why didn't she see all the signs?

Of course she saw them. She just chose to ignore them, and now it's lead to this. Both ends of the party heartbroken.

She sighed heavily, before resting her head against his shoulder.

"I love you Sora. You're my best friend. I would've done anything for you – I'd _still_ do anything for you." She whispered quietly.

"You're honestly the best friend I've ever had." He mumbled, his voice muffled.

Kairi giggled softly. "It's cool. I mean, now that I know you're gay and all, it just makes us like girlfriends."

Sora's head shot up, knocking Kairi down from his shoulder. He turned to face her so quickly, his expression serious.

"I'm – I'm not gay." He stammered. Kairi pulled away to stare at him incredulously.

"Sora, you just admitted to having like," Kairi's voice lowered in embarrassment. "_Homosexual relations_ with Riku."

He frowned and glared at her.

"I'm not gay." He repeated firmly, before jumping from his seat and rushing to his car.

.

.

"Kairi, I know you're listening. Why won't you just talk? Please. Think about how much you're upsetting your mother and Xion." Ansem's voice fills her head a week later.

Kairi wishes he'd leave. Why is he still coming here? Her eyes flit towards the blonde doctor and his smoldering golden gaze. Why did her mother hire such a dickwad?

"Or how about your new friend? Namine was it? Think about how sad you're making her by not talking." He says, hitting a nerve.

Hearing her name causes Kairi to sit up abruptly in her seat. Her eyes harden at the slight smile that graces the doctor's lips. What does he know? How dare he even bring Namine up? Namine was – she was Kairi's. And it felt like blasphemy to bring her up – _share_ her – in this stupid casual therapy session. Who does this doctor think he is?

Kairi's angry – no she's furious. She can feel her face heating up and her whole body's shaking. That sudden urge to punch him only grows stronger each time she sees Ansem.

"Maybe you should take into consideration how bad you might be making her feel." He continues. His eyes narrow slightly as he gazes at her. If looks could kill, she thinks angrily.

Her hands are gripping tightly at her bed sheets and she can feel herself shaking. She wants to just – to lunge at this guy. Her breathing becomes heavy and she suddenly finding the room spinning.

Ansem – almost as if he can feel her emotions – widens his grin.

"Go on Kairi. It's been almost four months." He encourages. "Say something."

Her eyes clamp shut. Her tongue wriggles around in the inside of her mouth as she bites her cheek. It's uncomfortable and she hates it. Her back aches from being frozen in this position – glaring at Ansem while clinging on to the bed for dear life.

Her lips are trembling. She can feel it. Along with the rest of her body. What is she doing? This doesn't feel like a panic attack to her. It feels – it feels worse. Where's Namine? She's supposed to be here. Where is she?

Kairi's eyes shoot open and flicker towards the clock on the nightstand by the newspaper. Namine should be here already. Ansem should be leaving here already. What's going on? This isn't the routine. This isn't supposed to happen.

"Namine would want you to speak." He says – his voice silky and irritatingly smooth.

She can feel tears pooling around the rims of her eyes. She's going to blow. She knows it. She can feel it. God somebody help her.

.

.

"Sora's in denial." Kairi stated a three weeks after her talk with said brunette. The silver haired boy beside her huffed impatiently, and chewed on his ice cream.

"You think I don't know that?" Riku snapped through a mouthful of the frozen treat. Kairi rolled her eyes, and licked the popsicle, glancing at him.

"I'm sorry, jeez, just trying to help." She retorted.

It had oddly been this way all month. Sora avoided both Riku and Kairi like the plague. If told a month earlier she'd be hanging out with Riku she would have laughed, because seriously Riku was her competition. Except her competition won – well sort of.

That was the dilemma. She knew Riku was into Sora and Sora was into Riku. However, Sora kept running away. And that was what brought the two together.

She named them Team Pantene, because well, let's face it their hair was amazing; they might as well have made their own shampoo commercial. Riku unsurprisingly refused to be referred to as that, much to Kairi's disdain. She really hated this guy sometimes.

Kairi sighed, and pushed the popsicle into her mouth. She thoughtfully nibbled the tropical flavor as she stared at the students milling about. Her eyes stopped on the familiar brunette walking along side his younger sister. His tanned face flashed briefly in their direction before continuing to ignore their presence.

"He thinks we're conspiring against him." Riku muttered, reading Kairi's mind.

She scoffed, taking another bite of her ice cream. "He's an idiot."

"Shut up!"

Her stomach rumbled with pleasure and satisfaction at creating a flustered Riku. Sure she was making fun of not only the love of his life, but hers as well, it was totally seeing Riku pout. And maybe it also eased some of the pain in her chest whenever Sora was mentioned. He left a scar. And she knew very well he would never be able to heal it.

"Of course we're conspiring against him." She said matter of factly. "Let him think that. Maybe it'll scare him back to you."

The boy sighed. "I don't think it works that way."

"Then how else is it supposed to work? If you wait for him to come to you, you'll be waiting forever."

"Kairi – "

"I'm in love with him." She said suddenly. "How does that make you feel?"

Riku hesitated and stared at Kairi incredulously. The redhead dragged her eyes away from Sora to glance at Riku with an impish grin.

"It makes me... sad now." He admitted.

"Because?"

"Because I know he doesn't love you."

"He loves you." She finished his statement, with a bitter smile. "And you love him. But he doesn't know that. He doesn't have that reassured feeling like you do. That's what's scaring him."

"You think?" Riku questioned, intrigued.

"Yes. And it could also that confused _am I gay_ internal spiel going on in his pretty spiky head." She mumbled out in a rush. Riku face palmed, and glared at her from between his fingers. She giggled at his expression, before nudging him on the arm.

He shook his head, still glaring. They both turned their attention to Sora as he walked away.

"You know, _Little Red_, you really are the sister I never wanted."

.

.

Ansem hasn't moved at all. He hasn't sighed, taken of his glass or rubbed them. He's just been sitting in his seat, staring at Kairi with that stupid smile.

She's sobbing, and she doesn't realize it until it's too late.

She's not looking at Ansem anymore. She doesn't even know where she's at anymore. Isn't she in her room still? What's going on?

Everything's a blur. She can't make out anything in front of her so she closes her eyes because it's making her dizzy. She can hear voices. Angry voices. She hears the door burst open and the squeak of the computer chair.

"This session is not finished, I need you to leave!"

"What are you doing to her?"

She knows these voices. _That_ voice.

"I'm trying to help her – "

"Does this look like it's helping her?" The voice demanded.

"I am a trained professional young lady and I…."

Arms. Kairi suddenly feels arms wrapping protectively around her shoulders. They're cold arms – but they're safe. By god, does she feel safe. Her face buries into something soft and lovely. She can't quite recognize what it is – who it is, but she's calming down. It's going to be okay. Whoever this is, will protect her.

The walls are thrown up instantly around her and her savior, keeping the other voice out.

Could this be an angel?

"_Trained professional_, my ass!"

Okay, maybe not an angel. Kairi hides herself deeper in the walls of her savior. Help me, she thinks.

"It'll be okay Kairi."

.

.

"This is going to work; it's totally going to work."

"No, it's not going to work."

"Shut up! And fix my corsage, Girly!"

"I told you not to call me that!" Riku huffed, tying the offending item to Kairi's wrist. The girl squealed in delight causing the silver haired boy to roll his eyes in annoyance. "Will you just… not act like a girl for five minutes?"

It was Kairi's turn to roll her eyes, as she looped an arm around Riku's suited up one. Her eyes flickered to his, before surveying his outfit. A smirk graced her lips.

"Don't be nervous. You look absolutely strapping."

"You don't look too bad yourself, Little Red."

The redhead gasped, and yanked her arm away in mock distress. Hands fell on her hips as she glared down the boy.

"What?" he groaned, feeling a headache begin to prickle.

"You're supposed to say I look beautiful or something romantic like that. You're my date." She cried out, lifting up her light periwinkle gown, to stomp ahead.

"Your _fake_ date!"

She ignored him as she made her way down the hallway towards the double doors of the gymnasium. Her heart beat with anticipation and excitement. It was her Junior Prom, what else would she be excited about? Oh… right, plan _Hook Riku and Sora Up So They Can Be In Love And Spread Around Their Obvious Gayness To The World_ was to be commissioned by Team Pantene. That was also exciting right?

She reached the doors and pushed through, pulling a disgruntled Riku with her. So yeah, over the months they did sort of become close. Of course, nowhere near the type of close she and Sora had, but close nonetheless.

"What are we even going to do?" Riku mumbled heatedly.

"Act like a couple, silly."

"Ew, but you're like – "

"Don't finish that."

"I was going to say you're like my sister."

She rolled her eyes, before beckoning him towards the punch bowl. She carefully weaved her way through the dance floor, scoping out for any familiar brunette. Once she reached the table, her fingers released Riku's wrist. Her eyes flickered around the lighted room.

"Do you see Sora?" Kairi asked.

No response. Her eyes glanced towards her date. Riku's green eyes were hard and focused straightforward. His eyebrows were pinched and his lips were pulled downward into a deep frown. Kairi blinked, before following his line of sight… only to find Sora dancing with a girl named Selphie from her homeroom.

"You're seriously going to get all worked up because of that slut? Come on, Girly, he loves you." Kairi exclaimed, turning over and grabbing a plastic cup. "You think this punch is spiked?" She added, eyeing the red liquid swirling in the bowl.

"I feel like throwing up and you're worried about a stupid beverage?" Riku hissed, his eyes never leaving the two brunettes. Kairi huffed, pouring herself a cup and bringing it to her glossed lips. Her eyes darted towards the pair on the dance floor to see them slow dancing.

Her arms wrapped around Sora's neck. They're foreheads pressed against each other. His hands at her waist. That should be me, Kairi thought bitterly. Her eyes found Riku's and she knew he was thinking the same thing.

She felt her throat clog up and a painful tightening in her chest. She wanted to throw up too. The punch going down her throat wasn't even soothing. She wanted to rip Selphie off of Sora and wring her neck. Stupid bitch.

They weren't even that far off. It was only a couple of feet away. If she just moved a little, she could have her hands on that stupid, unforgivable –

"You'd think he'd have his hands on her ass by now." Kairi stuttered out. She regained her composure instantly and grinned at her observation. "Totally gay for you, Girly."

She caught the little smirk on Riku's lips. It helped ease the pain in her heart. If only just a little.

.

.

"It'll be okay Kairi. Shh, it's okay. It's okay."

Those words – no matter how stupid they sounded – soothe Kairi instantly. Her breathing regains its normal pattern, even and smooth. She inhales the softness her face is buried in. It vibrates and startles Kairi suddenly.

"Sorry that tickles." The voice admits sheepishly.

Her senses slowly start to come around. The walls are languidly coming down. She feels the arms drop from her, as if expecting her to pull away, but Kairi holds on tighter. Her hands fist around material – and she realizes it's a sweater.

Kairi nuzzles the softness in an attempt to have the arms back around her. She feels the rapid beat of – of what? – pressed against her chest. It doesn't match her slowed heartbeat. It's rapid and crazed, yet it still comforts her because it feels familiar.

The arms finally come back around. The cold arms that, for some reason, make her feel warm. She feels hands rub comforting circles on her back. And it just feels so – so goddamm _good_. She hasn't been held like this in such a long time.

She hasn't _let_ anyone hold her like this in such a long time.

The arms around her tighten and squeeze her, press her against another body.

.

.

Kairi placed her empty cup on the table and reached for Riku's hand.

"Come on. We're dancing." She stated, dragging him back through the dance floor. She could hear him mumble unintelligibly, but she was pretty sure it was inappropriate. She giggled, before stopping and turning around to face him.

His green eyes were narrowed with a scowl on his face. She smiled impishly up at him and loosely wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Kay, now put your hands on my waist." She ordered.

"Ew, no." He deadpanned.

She stepped on his foot.

"Ow, fine!" He snapped, lightly placing his hands on her sides. "There, happy?"

"Girly, your hands have to be lower."

"You're joking!" He snarled. She huffed, removing her arms from his neck to grab his wrists. Annoyed, she pushed them lower. Riku visibly recoiled and glared down at her. "What the hell? What are you even trying to do?"

"It's going to work. Just trust me." She hissed.

"What are you talking abou- "

"Riku."

Both stopped in their tracks. A warm shiver trickled throughout Kairi's body upon hearing that voice. She flickered her attention to the other person standing close to the pair of them. His dark brown eyebrows were knitted together and an angry pout graced his features. The brown haired boy had his arms crossed over his chest as he regarded the couple.

"Kairi." Sora said through gritted teeth as he directed his attention solely on her. She felt an incredibly stupid heat creep its way up her neck and towards her face. He hadn't really looked at her straight in the eye since their little confrontation. She almost forgot how mesmerizing they were.

They were angry cerulean pools, swimming with something akin to jealousy. And she knew it; she recognized that stare in the mirror. It was an understatement to say it broke her heart all over again.

She felt Riku tense beside her.

"What do you two think you're doing?" Sora pressed, taking a step towards them, after a stray couple almost bumped into him. Kairi's eyes flitted past Sora to see his brunette date bustling towards them with a shit-smelling scowl.

She would've laughed, but once she turned her eyes back on Sora the giggle died in her throat. Her chest ached dully, and her stomach fluttered. She hated the reaction she received at the boy's presence.

Kairi shook her head abruptly and forced a glare.

"We're _dancing_. Isn't that what you're supposed to do at a _dance_?" She remarked, looping an arm around Riku's. The silver haired boy had still not said a word.

Sora's pout deepened.

"But… but…" He stammered, reminding Kairi ridiculously of a five year old.

"But what?"

"Why Riku? You two hate each other!"

Kairi glanced back up at Riku, trying to convey a secret message.

"Hate is a strong word." She responded wisely. Her eyes narrowed, and then pointedly darted towards the brunette. Riku's green eyes widened in realization, before a small tug at his lips indicated he understood the plan.

"I needed a date." Riku drawled, with a slight smirk, as he placed a heavy arm over the redhead's shoulder. It took all of her strength to not allow her knees to buckle and fall. She knew he was doing it on purpose. Why am I friends with this guy again, she thought. "And Kairi was available, weren't you _Little Red_?"

"Yeah, that's right Gir… I mean, um… _baby_." She internally cringed at the term of endearment. And she knew Riku was cringing too.

She shook off the embarrassment and looked back at Sora. His blue eyes darted between the two of them. The arm placed around Kairi, her arm snuck around Riku's waist. His eyes narrowed, and his frown deepened. He uncrossed his arms, placed them on his hips only to have them crossed back again across his chest. He was fidgeting. It was only a matter of time before her best friend cracked.

It brought a wave of satisfaction and also a little disappointment. How she wished that Sora was glaring at Riku rather than her. That he was giving her that pleading stare, and not Riku. That he was jealous of Riku and not her.

Sora's eyes tore away from the silver haired boy and hardened upon Kairi. She felt the warm shiver turn deathly cold.

"How could- how could you just do this to me?" Sora demanded, singling the redhead out. "We're supposed to be best friends."

Kairi hesitated and tightened her grip around her date. She didn't know what to say to that.

"Sora, come dance with me please?" Selphie, the annoying little bitch, burst all three of them from their intense little bubble. That seemed to snap the brunette from his accusatory glare. He turned to look down at his own date with indifference.

"No. I don't feel like it." He muttered, before turning on his heel and brushing past the dancers. Selphie stared after him. Kairi almost felt bad for her… not.

The arm around her curled in, hugging it against a body. She had almost forgotten that she was with Riku. Her eyes glanced up at him. His pale face was blurry. She didn't even know when she began to cry.

"I'm sorry Kairi." Riku said sincerely.

"Just go after him." She snapped.

And she watched him chase after her best friend.

.

.

It shouldn't surprise Kairi when she pulls away from the embrace to find Namine staring back at her. It really shouldn't. But it does. It almost scares her. To see those mesmerizing blue eyes staring back at her and to feel as if she was taking them in for the first time. She's smiling with her eyes, Kairi thinks. They're shining and smoldering.

She takes in Namine's face all at once. Kairi waits for the sting or that barely stitching up hole in her chest to rip open at the seams. She waits for it. But it doesn't come.

For the first time she realizes that there are differences she's never noticed before. That Namine has freckles. That she has a button nose, unlike Sora's straight, narrow one. That she does this little quirk with her right eyebrow every time she speaks.

But they have the same eyes – her and Sora. Well, they had the same eyes. But they're different too. Kairi realizes, with a sadness boiling in the pit of her stomach.

Sora's eyes were always light, and deep and carefree. Even when he was angry or upset, he still had that certain sparkle in his blue eyes.

Namine's eyes are intense and solid. They aren't necessarily _dark_. But they're not as full of life as her brother's were. Kairi notices they almost look haunted at some periods. She wonders if she looks like that sometimes as well.

And to see her like this, eyes shining and full of life, makes Kairi bubble up with excitement.

Kairi doesn't look away from her. It feels like a long time – it could be hours of them both staring at one another. The blonde's pale complexion eventually tinges with the foreign color of a blush. It startles the redhead that she almost steps away. But it intrigues her.

Just like the first time she saw Sora.

Her hand lifts up and reaches forward. She doesn't realize what she's doing until her fingers are already brushing against the blonde's cheek.

It's like she's seeing _Namine_ for the first time.

.

.

Sora dating the star quarterback Riku became the hot gossip Monday morning. Particularly amongst the girls at Radiant Gardens High School. Kairi noticed this with annoyance.

She was honestly happy for them. She was. She could see that Sora was at his happiest whenever he was around the silver haired boy. They moved around each other as if they read each other's mind, knew each other's movement. It was like Kairi was looking at a pair of soul mates.

And that was exactly what they were. Kairi knew this. She learned to accept it.

But it didn't necessarily take away the pain she received seeing them together. It was bittersweet. She was in love with Sora and it was impossible for her to hold any ill will against Riku, because she loved him too. Without realizing it, he had become the older brother Kairi never wanted.

And for the first time the three of them hung out like old times, as best friends. It was – well – it was peaceful, not having to compete with Riku. They truly became inseparable.

But everything wasn't always so golden and happy. There were several obstacles the three – especially Sora and Riku – had to overcome.

The fact that the once _straight_ Sora was undeniably gay, seemed to stir discomfort among his classmates. He had come to Kairi about this one day.

"I just – this was what I didn't want." Sora hissed, as the pair walked through the hallways. Various students looked over their shoulders and shot the brunette a look of disgust or anger. Kairi instinctively reached down and grasped her best friend's hand. She could feel his clammy palm shake slightly in hers. "The looks, the talks."

"Be glad they're not actually hurting you." Kairi whispered back, protectively shooting her own glares at the offending people.

"No, you don't get it." He snapped, yanking her hand from his. "It _is_ hurting me."

"Sora – "

"I don't even know why I told you. How could you possibly understand what I'm going through?"

"I'm trying to." Kairi stammered. "And for your information you're not the only one hurting!"

Sora rolled his eyes, and stopped in front of the redhead. He crossed his arms over his chest and regarded her with a dubious expression.

"How are you hurting, Kairi?"

She hesitated, and shifted her weight on each foot. She was reminded briefly of the time she had tried to ask Sora to the dance back in Middle School. How he blatantly rejected her. And she knew this situation was going to result in the same thing.

"Hello?" He snapped.

"I'm in love with you." She blurted out. His annoyed expression fell, as did his jaw. Her eyes were burning with shame and humiliation. She felt her cheeks heat up and knew an oncoming blush was about to appear.

Her throat clogged up. Sora opened his mouth.

Kairi turned and ran, before she burst into tears.

.

.

Kairi parts her lips slightly, and she feels sound reverberating throughout her throat. She - she wants to speak. Namine's eyes flicker from her own eyes to her lips in anticipation. She knows that Kairi wants to speak as well.

The blonde's lips pull upward into that little smile, encouragingly.

Kairi swallows thickly, before sighing aloud. She gives her head a tiny shake, and falls back onto her bed. The words 'I'm Sorry' are just begging to burst from her lips, but they don't come. For the first time, Kairi's afraid they'll never come.

She turns to glance up at Namine, who's staring down at her with that unreadable expression. Her eyes are still shining.

"I'm not going to push you Kairi."

Kairi knows she shouldn't get so excited with the way the blonde says her name. Namine takes her usual seat and pull out her sketchbook. She lays it flat against her lap and doesn't pull out another drawing. Instead she flips it open and pulls out a pencil.

Her mesmerizing blue eyes flicker back towards Kairi, who's watching her curiously. Because really, this isn't part of the routine either.

"I'm not going to force you to talk like your stupid doctor."

Kairi lets out a silent chuckle in agreement to her insult. Namine's face lights up and Kairi's painfully aware of how similar she looks like her brother again. So she turns her attention to the blank page on the sketchpad. It's outstretched towards her, and it takes her a moment to realize she's supposed to take it.

She takes a risk and glances back at Namine, before pulling the sketchpad onto her own lap. The blonde's expression is anxious and it makes Kairi anxious.

They both know that this is a big step.

Kairi picks up the pencil, and awkwardly arranges it around her fingers. She hasn't held a pencil in such a long time. She's hesitating, she knows it. There's no turning back after this, she thinks. It's true. She wants to communicate. Even if she can't orally. She still wants to communicate but only with her blonde.

Her hand shakes, as she presses the tip of the pencil to the sheet of paper. She can feel Namine's eyes on her and immediately the anxiety goes away, because in the end she's doing it for her. She wants to make Namine proud.

_I'm sorry._

It's written in an unfamiliar messy scrawl. Kairi freaks out a little at seeing this. She was always a neat writer. But the blonde's reassuring voice calms her down instantly.

"What are you talking – er writing – about?" Namine asks, pointing down towards the message Kairi has written. The redhead pauses, before continuing.

_For Sora._

Kairi's head snaps up to gauge the blonde's reaction. It's not one she quite expects. Namine's eyebrows scrunch together, and she averts her eyes. She's frozen for an agonizingly long time, and panic shoots through Kairi's veins.

The blonde lets her head drop slightly, before gathering her sketchbook from Kairi's shaking hands, and rising from her seat.

She says nothing – doesn't even look at Kairi – as she exits her room.

.

.

They never spoke of that incident. There was a palpable tension among the three. Kairi would hold herself back around them. Sora and Riku noticed. She would skip out on their little hangout dates. She slowly faded back away from them during school. She stopped calling and texting. Stopped saying hello in the hallways. And eventually she would go out of her way to avoid the pair.

It upset her, but she didn't think she could look Sora in the eyes, or Riku. She felt disgusted with herself. How could she put that weight on Sora? He had enough on his plate what with dealing with the pressure of being out to the school. But what really topped the cake was her betrayal towards Riku. How could she do that? Best friends didn't say they were in love with their boyfriends.

The wave of disgust only increased as she stared at her cell phone caller ID, showing Sora's name across the lit screen. She didn't want to answer.

And yet she couldn't ignore the fact that he was calling. This wasn't the first time it had happened. There were many phone calls.

Kairi sighed, grabbed her phone and tucked it under her pillow. She covered her ears to resist the urge to answer it.

Stuffing her phone under the nearest object didn't exactly help her situation because in the next second Xion barged into her room with her own cell phone in her hand.

"Hey!" Her younger sister snapped, glaring at the redhead.

"What do you want blockhead?" Kairi snapped.

"Why don't you answer your phone?" She demanded, putting her hands on her hips. "And quit calling me that!" She added angrily.

Kairi looked away with a huff, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's a free country." She retorted. "I think I'm at liberty to not answer my phone when I feel like it."

"Sora wants to talk to you, you idiot! He's on the phone right now."

Kairi senses immediately went on alert. It had to be serious in order for him to attempt to reach her through her little sister. The redhead felt shame pool in her stomach at the thought. She really sucked at this friend-thing.

"Okay fine – "

"You better start straightening up Kairi, or else I'm going to tell Mom-"

"Did I ask for a lecture _Curious George_? No! So just give me the damn phone." Kairi growled, jumping from her seat and snatching the phone from the dark haired girl. The younger of the two glared at her sister, before storming out the door.

Once her sister was safely out, Kairi slammed the door shut, and hesitantly pressed the small phone up to her ear.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Kairi, it's Sora."

"I'm sorry, for not answering my phone…. For months." She apologized quickly.

"It's – it's okay. No, I mean it's not okay." Sora stammered. He paused and all Kairi could hear was his breathing for a few seconds. She noticed it was slightly uneven and ragged. "Kairi, I'm asking you as my best friend to… to be with me right now. I need you there with me when I – when I come out to my parents."

.

.

Namine doesn't show up the next day.

Xion tries to comfort her, or at least spend time with her the way the blonde does. But it's just not the same.

Kairi doesn't know what to do.

What do I do, she thinks as she stares at herself in the bathroom mirror. She's almost scared of what she sees in the mirror that day. It's not like she looks terrible – at least not how she looked prior to the blonde's routine visits. Her cheeks aren't hallow or pale, there aren't rings under her eyes – she looks, well she looks okay now. Except for the blotchy red patches around her eyes.

She hasn't realized yet that she's been crying all day for a different reason.

.

.

The two of them sat in the living room, facing Sora's parents. Namine was leaning against the wall and furtively looking between the two pairs. Kairi was surprised to find no silver haired boy when she first arrived.

It was just her. And her stomach fluttered with affection at the thought that Sora chose her. He wanted her to lean on, and she was more than obliged to offer herself.

Sora cleared his throat, his hands clasped over the redhead's tightly. Kairi flipped her hand over and interlocked their fingers, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

He took a deep breath and then, "I'm gay."

Kairi's eyes flickered between the three of his family members quickly. Sora's mother blinked in confusion, his father furrowed his eyebrows, and Namine bowed her head.

"What?" His father's voice was cold, and questioning. It made Kairi shiver and scoot closer towards her best friend. His blue eyes – so similar to the boy she was sitting next to – narrowed sharply. His lips curled into a scowl. Kairi glanced towards his whitening knuckles on the armchair of the sofa.

She felt Sora shaking beside her. "I'm g-gay Dad."

"Dear, you're dating Kairi, how can you be gay?" Sora's mother piped up. Kairi felt her chest tighten at that reminder.

"We're not – I stopped dating her a long time ago. I'm – I'm dating Riku." He answered softly. He had a death grip on Kairi's hand, but she would not say anything. Sora bowed his head and glared at the floor, while Kairi turned to look back at his father.

He looked cold, and absolutely livid. His nostrils flared as he regarded his son with something akin to disbelief – or even disgust.

"I remember the first time you brought Kairi over to the house. How excited you were, and you even went out of your way to make her cupcakes with your mother." Kairi, frozen, watched his father pause and stare at his son with a bitter smile. "The two of you. I saw it then, best friends and eventually lovers… I was entirely convinced that was set to happen. But then that _boy_ barged into the kitchen, and you willingly gave him all of your cupcakes – Kairi's cupcakes."

His father stopped entirely, his features turning dark as he glared at Sora. "Do you know how I felt? Disappointed Sora, that you would do that to a guest."

Kairi peeked over at the boy sitting next to her. His bottom lip was trembling and she caught his eyes watering. The brunette slowly lifted up his head and stared full on his father with a tear stricken face.

"I-I can't fix this." Sora whimpered beseechingly. "It's who I am."

"That's not possible. I raised you right. I did everything, _everything_ a father can do for his son… and yet you have the decency to pull this – this bullshit with me. No, Sora, no, enough with this joke." Sora's father's voice suddenly turned harsh.

"Dad, I'm not joking." Sora pleaded.

"What did I do? What did I do for you to do this to your mother and I? Do you enjoy hurting us – "

"Dad – " Namine started, but he lunged from his seat and rounded on her. Kairi jumped in her seat in shock at Sora's father's sudden change of anger.

"This is your fault! Putting your little fairy fag ideas into his head!" He yelled, raising a finger in her direction. The blonde visibly recoiled and pressed herself against the wall. "You did this to him!"

"Dad, stop, leave her alone." Sora sprang up and made his way towards his younger sister.

His father opened his mouth looking as if he were going to yell again, but he closed his mouth and backed up, staring between the two of them incredulously. Kairi stayed frozen in her seat, feeling her heart beat fast as she stared at the family.

"I don't even know who you two are anymore." His father stated in disbelief.

"We're your kids, so start acting like you're our father instead of this asshole!" Namine practically shrieked, before moving around Sora and running out of the living room.

Kairi rose from her seat and drifted towards Sora. He didn't even notice her.

"Please, Dad, I-I need your support." Sora tried. His father stared down at him with an unrelenting gaze before shaking his head.

"You're not my son."

Sora spun his head wildly towards the only silent person in his family.

"Mom, please, say _something_." He begged. She wouldn't look him in the eyes.

Kairi felt tears build up as she stared at his uncooperative family. How could they do this to him?

"Get out of my house."

.

.

Namine shows up the next day, but she's an utter mess. The blonde walks into her room unceremoniously, drops down into the chair, and breaks down.

Completely breaks down and Kairi has no idea what to do. What should she do? The redhead just watches as the blonde buries her face in her hands, and then after a few seconds reaches up and starts pulling at her hair.

Her eyes are clenched tight, tears running freely down her pale face – more paler than usual. Her face crumples into a pained expression. And Kairi freaks out. What does she do? What does she do when the one source of comfort is a complete mess?

"I'm sorry!" Namine whimpers harshly. "I-I didn't know – know where else to go."

Kairi hesitates, before pulling one of her hands away from her face and holding it tightly in her own. She slowly pulls Namine out of her chair and on to her bed with her. It's weird. Kairi's never done the comforting like this. Never. She doesn't like it – mainly because she doesn't like to see her blonde like this.

The redhead gently wraps her arms around Namine and holds herself there. Trying to reciprocate what the blonde had done for her. She can feel Namine's shuddering breath next to her ear and it makes her heart clench.

It's the first time she realizes that Namine is undeniably _broken_.

Just like me, she thinks.

And for the first time, Kairi realizes that Namine needs her just as much as she needs Namine.

.

.

Kairi frantically called Riku to come pick Sora and her up. To just get out of the house. Sora cooled down after walking down the block. It was only until they reached the corner that he realized something.

"Namine ran off."

"Should we look for her?" Kairi asked cautiously, staring at her best friend's red eyes. He shook his head finally.

"No. She – she takes a longer time to calm down. She'll probably want to be alone." Sora muttered. "I think I know where she might be… so we'll get her if it's too late."

They stopped at the corner, waiting for Riku's black truck. Kairi continued to stare at him worriedly. She didn't know why but she got the feeling that he could break at any instant.

Hesitantly she reached out and grabbed his hand.

"I'm sorry for all of this." She admitted. Sora regarded her.

"I don't want go home." He muttered. "It's not – it doesn't feel like home anymore."

Riku arrived approximately three minutes after that comment. He stopped his truck by the curb, jumped out of it and walked over to Sora tackling him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry!" Riku said, voice quivering. They held each other for a long time, and Kairi couldn't help but over look them with a small satisfied smile. "Are you both okay?" He asked when he pulled away from Sora and looked over his shoulder at Kairi.

"I'm good. Just a little…spooked." Kairi admitted sheepishly.

"Let's just go for a drive. Please." Sora requested.

The tension quickly disappeared as all three of them drove through the dark, midnight streets. Kairi sat between them, claiming she wanted to prevent from witnessing any more further PDA. Sora laughed at this, while Riku smirked at her fondly, before ruffling her hair.

"Don't do that!" She snapped, reaching down to fix her hair, only to have it blown back, as Riku rolled down the windows. "Quit being a jerk, Girly."

"Hey, Kai, he's not girly." Sora pouted.

"Says you." She mumbled sullenly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"God you're such a baby, Little Red." Riku teased, reaching forward to fiddle with the radio. Kairi huffed loudly.

"I am not!"

"Well technically you are the baby of the group, considering you're the youngest." Sora piped up matter of factly.

"Whatever." Kairi answered lamely, failing to think of a comeback fast enough. She could feel Riku's stupid satisfied smirk and it killed her. Sometimes she just hated that they ganged up on her.

"Aw, the baby's pouting now." Sora laughed.

"Shut the fuck up Sora!"

"Ooh, _language_, Little Red."

"Ugh, you two are jerks."

Both of them snickered as Kairi ignored them and tried to distract herself with the radio. Her fingers flicked the scan button to find a station with reception.

"_Take me out tonight  
>Oh take me anywhere, I don't care<br>I don't care, I don't care"_

"Ooh, The Smiths, leave it there!" Sora exclaimed, practically right next to the redhead's ear. She scowled as she swiveled her attention towards the brunette.

"I know that doofus."

"Hey!"

"Red, will you please refrain from calling my boyfriend a doofus to his face. Hurts his feelings and all." Riku directed a secret smile with Kairi, which she returned wholeheartedly. Sometimes she just loved this guy.

"This song is weird." Kairi finally said after listening in.

"It's tragically romantic."

"_Driving in your car  
>I never never want to go home<br>Because I haven't got one  
>No, I haven't got one"<em>

"Do any of you find this … like weirdly inappropriate?" Kairi demanded. Sora's smile melted, and he pointedly looked out the window. Riku gripped the steering wheel tightly. Kairi felt like an idiot for making that comment. Totally insensitive, she thought.

"_And if a double-decker bus  
>Crashes in to us<br>To die by your side  
>Is such a heavenly way to die"<em>

Kairi suddenly felt uncomfortable sitting in between the two of them. She wanted to go home. Her head was telling her to go home, leave the two of them. She glanced up towards Sora who was caught in a heated gaze with Riku.

Blue pierced into green.

She could see it, plain as day; they loved each other. That aching love that made her want to suddenly burst into tears. That love with emotions welling up in the seams, where she could feel it radiating off the both of them. She was in that orbit, and she herself felt it – that love, she felt loved.

That love that touched her and seemed to spread around itself within a twelve foot radius. That kind of love where nothing could come between them, not even a stupid wedge like her. Time was insignificant, death was inevitable and yet it wasn't a complication because that passion – that _love_ – would overcome it.

Soul mates. Lovers. That would transcend time, heaven and hell, birth and death, and present and the future. They would last. She knew it, they knew it.

They were made from the same mold because they were made for each other. And Kairi would be forever grateful for seeing it unravel.

.

.

Namine settles in Kairi's bed, staring up at her, while Kairi sits up and stares back down. She looks exhausted, Kairi notes. More than ever. The rings around her eyes almost look black, her blue eyes look dead, and her face is sallow, and almost wax-like.

Kairi tentatively reaches up and brushed her fingertips against the blonde's ghostly face, hoping to see some kind of reaction like the other day, but Namine turns away. Kairi feels hurt by this gesture, but Namine's sudden movement distracts her.

The blonde has stretched out and snatched the newspaper on the nightstand. It's crumpled in her frail looking hands, but she smoothes it out and holds it up to her face.

Her expression twists painfully as she pushes it away again. Kairi feels her chest tighten anxiously at seeing the newspaper fall away.

"I have a whole box full of newspaper clippings of that day." Namine finally speaks in what seems like hours. Her voice is rugged, sounding as if she smoked a bunch of cigarettes. "I get it. It cements you to what's real. They're gone. Both of them."

Kairi stares sharply at the detached tone of the blonde.

Namine shakes her head, turning to look back at Kairi. Her lips lift into that small smile, flickers of life spark in her blue eyes.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be doing this – talking to you about this. You're –" Her lips start to tremble and she looks away again. Kairi chews her lip studying the blonde in her bed. Hesitantly she reaches down and pulls the cell phone out of Namine's pocket.

She doesn't question it. So Kairi opens up a new message and types.

_It's okay. _

She hands it to the blonde and watches as she reads it.

Namine shakes her head. "No it's not okay. I'm such an idiot."

_You're not. _

"I shouldn't have come." Namine says suddenly rising from the position she's in. Kairi doesn't realize her hand develops a mind of its own and latches onto the blonde's arm.

_Please don't leave me again._

Namine stiffens instantly and stares at Kairi incredulously. "You want me here?"

Kairi hesitates before shaking her head abruptly.

_Take me out._

The blonde gapes at her, and to Kairi's utter delight, flushes a little.

"Where do you want to go?"

_Take me anywhere, I don't care._

.

.

She didn't remember much. Just a bright light, yelling, and arms wrapping around her. It was all just a blur. She woke up in the hospital with bright lights.

The nurses smiled warmly at her and fed her through a tube when she wouldn't eat. She felt nothing. She didn't even know where exactly she was for the first week.

Her parents and Xion were always with her teary eyed. A tall blonde man named Ansem would visit her and talk to her. She couldn't talk for the first week – literally. She felt too weak.

And then when he broke the news to her. She just stopped talking all together, stopped feeling. Stopped _being_. Her life source, her source of love was _gone_.

She was abandoned, cheated, left out in the deep cold sea of confusion. She tried to swim back to shore, but at some point she just gave up.

A few friends came. Namine came but she screamed and cried and yelled until they asked the blonde to leave.

They told her it was a drunk driver that collided with the truck. They found her buried underneath two bodies. Her best friend's bodies. They were protecting her from the impact of the car crash.

The days in the hospital were the worst. They were the moments where she was convinced all of this was a dream. That was where Ansem came in.

When she was released, they kept a routinely check on her. She didn't go to school. She couldn't. They would've graduated that year. She would've seen them graduate with teary eyes and big balloons saying _Congrats!_ She would've worried about never seeing them after graduation. What silly thought. Now she would really have never seen them.

She wanted to die.

.

.

The both of them are in the car without speaking – well Namine not speaking. Her eyes are trained ahead of her as she drives the small Toyota Camry. She briefly told Kairi that it was a gift from her mother.

Kairi isn't all together that surprised. She assumed things at home for the blonde were terrible and her parents were always probably trying to make up for what happened to …

Namine sighs through her nose, when they hit a red light, and she reaches forward to fiddle with the radio.

"_And if a ten ton truck  
>Kills the both of us<br>To die by your side  
>Well the pleasure, the privilege is mine"<em>

Kairi feels like she's slapped in the face when she hears the song on the radio. She wants to change the station so badly. Anything to get this song out of her ears. This song is terrible for her.

She glances at Namine to see her singing softly with the song.

The blonde turns to her and flushes. "The Smiths. Sora used to listen to them."

Kairi turns away and looks out the window. Suddenly this drive doesn't feel like a good idea anymore. She wants to go home.

"I'm sorry. This is stupid." Namine mumbled, before turning off the radio.

Kairi whips her head around at the lack of music, and stares at the blonde. She can't quite describe how she feels when she looks at the blonde this moment. She sees him. She sees Sora sitting there driving, but when she blinks it's Namine again.

It's the song. It reminds her so much of that night. The night they died. There, she thought. She's accepted it. They died. Sora and Riku died in a car crash, and they protected her. She loved them and they loved her, but they're dead.

They're dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Kairi studies the blonde as she runs a hand through her hair. Feeling Kairi's eyes on her, Namine turns to meet her gaze. They both stare at each other for a moment. Until Kairi turns her attention on the radio and flicks it back on.

"_There is a light that never goes out"_

"Kairi?" Namine questions with a raised brow. Kairi grabs Namine's cell phone and types a message.

_They're with us. I can feel it. You can too._

Namine blinks surprised, before stepping on the gas as the light turns green. She pulls over at the nearest gas station.

"_There is a light that never goes out"_

"I-I feel it." Namine admitted. "I always thought it was just… me trying to still hold on to them when I should've let them go."

_We can, when we're ready. But for now… it's okay._

Namine looks vulnerable in less than a second as she stares back at the redhead.

"_There is a light that never goes out"_

"You sure?"

Kairi nods her head, and even lets out a grin.

"Okay, I trust you, Kairi." Namine returns the smile, and Kairi sets the phone down.

"_There is a light that never goes out"_

"I trust you too, Namine."

.

.

The End.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading! I hope you didn't cry. Review? Make a girl happy and win a free puppy :)<strong>


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